Secret Weapons Come in All Forms

One of My Favorite Secret Weapons!

One of my mottos is to find the funny in every situation. It’s not always easy. So, at times I find that I have to dig into my “arsenal of secret weapons” to navigate the caregiving waters :). Today, I’m going to share one of my favorites with you, Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Lavender Vanilla Body Wash and Lotion. I know that probably sounds crazy. But, when you’re a caregiver, you realize the most unconventional items can bring the greatest “peace” :). Today, I got a chance to remember that.

It’s a normal Sunday in my house filled with cooking, laundry, etc . Everyone is feeling lazy, and in their respective corners. It seems like a “peaceful” day. Well, that peace was short-lived when my Mom a.k.a “The Old Lady” decides she wants to have a conversation about my love life. Of course, you know that’s my favorite topic to discuss (not really). I try to distract her by asking about my relatives, what she wants for dinner, heck even the Kardashians (one of her favorite shows) were on the table for discussion.

Anything, but my love life or the lack there of. But, she was not going to be denied. She decided that this was our time to discuss how we need to visit a “psychic” because there must be a “root”(old school term for a curse) on me that is blocking me from love. Really? Now we have brought this to the level of “roots”. Wow, you know things are tough when they start thinking you may need to visit “Doctor Buzzard” for a little assistance. I thought Jesus was enough, silly me :).

Of course, this conversation went on too long (longest 10 minutes of my life). So, I decide to throw a monkey wrench in my mom’s plan. I reminded her that I would be supervising her bath tonight. At that moment, you would have thought I hit her with a “tranquilizer dart” :). She hates when I supervise her bath. I tend to be the more organized decisive attendant, and on top of that she hates me telling her what to do. So, she immediately shifts focus off of my love life and then starts complaining about me supervising her bath. All I can think is “WINNING”, and I’m about to seal the deal by using my secret weapon during bath time :).

Bath and Body Works Lavender Vanilla Aromatherapy lotion is truly a “magic bullet”. My mom is clean relaxed and sleeping. It’s 8:21pm, and I’m comforted to hear the sounds of her snoring while I type this blog :). You can’t beat that response time. All you need is 30 minutes, and peace will echo through your home.

Here’s the link to this collection:http://bit.ly/Ul9jLS
Find your “secret weapons” and embrace your peace while providing rest and relaxation to your family. It’s a win win for everyone. Until we meet again!

xo

No Matter How Old You Get, You Will Always Be My Baby

I think we’ve all heard that statement before. To our parents and loved ones that raised us, we’ll always be their baby. It just sounds strange as we get older. Especially, if you’re Forty-one :). But, that statement has become my mom’s mantra this week. 

Don’t laugh, I haven’t done anything crazy. But, I did decide to drop a mini nuclear bomb. I told her that I would be going to New York in June by myself for a blogging conference. See, I said it and the world is still moving :). My mom handled it pretty well when I told her. I was actually surprised, and a little frightened (This is the same woman that I had to bribe with a candle when I came home late one night).  She just wanted to know why I was going, where I would be staying, etc. Just the usual. Then, we jump into the hard question……. Who are you going with? 

Now of course being the caregiver I am. I think about making this a work event, and tell her I will be traveling with colleagues ( Side note definition of Caregiver behavior: This is at times necessary due to the fear on their part and your own that you may just want to run off, and not come back.) That’s not going to happen, but it does cross the mind at times :). But, I remind myself that I’m an adult. So, it may not be a good idea to lie. I decide to “playfully” remind her that I’ll be traveling by myself. 

Well, Mom wasn’t interested in “playing’ today. She decided she would take this time to launch into a full-scale strategy session to find me a travel companion. She took that opportunity to open up the “mental rolodex”; and go over all of the men I’ve met and/or dated in the last year to see if there were any viable candidates.It’s amazing to me that she can’t remember what channel her favorite show comes on tv. But, she can recall any man who has been in my life :).  So what they aren’t in my life now. She felt a good phone call to invite them to travel with me would be all I needed to fix things up :). If only finding a travel companion or man was that simple, there would be a lot of dating sites out of business. But, I digress :).

Any who, she has decided that I  simply can’t travel by myself. Who’s going to protect me? Who’s going to experience the city with me? Who’s going to make sure I eat? Simply put, I’m her baby and it’s not safe traveling alone. While, I truly value and appreciate her concern. I didn’t know New York had been declared a war zone :).  Also, I didn’t know that I couldn’t experience the beauty and adventure of New York on my own. I thought I was capable of savoring the city that never sleeps with my eyes fully open to it’s adventure and danger.  Can you tell how excited I am to go :)? 

This trip is going to be amazing! But, I know that I face many conversations about this with my Mom until I go. Its so funny how they slip right back into their parenting roles even though you are now the “caregivers”. It’s also funny how, these people were not the ideal men for me to date. But, they may be good travel companions? 

Who can make sense of it? I guess it all boils down to me being an adult. But, I’m always going to be her baby. Pray for me :).

Until we meet again!

do

Budweiser & Bull Shit : Sorry, I got to call it like I see it :)

This picture says it all right now! I’m going to take a little departure from our regularly scheduled program to talk about dating :). In particular, my journey on this road to love. I took a break from dating after my Dad passed to get myself together, and focus on my family. But, recently I decided to jump back in. I finally feel ready to open myself up to love, and I’m really enjoying this feeling. I just am not enjoying some of the dates and/or people, I’m meeting along the way. 

I know I didn’t corner the market on heartache and pain. But, I also have not cornered the market on crazy and stupid either. At least, I hope not :). Tonight I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy that I’ve been talking with. We met online, and this was our first time meeting. He was handsome, and seemed like his usual intelligent self. But, boy was I wrong….. 

We’re chatting and sharing an appetizer. When he asks if I want to share a meal. I wasn’t that hungry, and thought that’s not a problem. I’m a pescatarian (fish-eating vegetarian), so as long as he can manage it, we’re good :). We order our meal ( Six Cheese Mac & Cheese), and continue our conversation. Ten minutes, in things start to go south.

He asks if I’m ok with canceling the order, because he’s not that hungry.  I’m not starving, and he’s giving me a look like he really wants to cancel this order. But, I would like to eat something. So, I tell him to cancel that order; and I’ll get a salad. I guess that sparked something in him. He then proceeds to tell me that was just a “test to see if I was really hungry?”. WTH? What do you mean “see if I was really hungry?” Why would I order food if I didn’t plan to eat? 

Well, I’m not too happy about that test. I graduated from school a long time ago. Testing is not required or needed on my end. So, I let him know politely not to do that anymore. If you want to know anything or have a concern, please ask me directly. We’re too old for anything less. He tells me he was just joking, and apologizes. We move past it, and he asks for the bill. 

Foolishly, I think we are all good at this point. One moment of B.S. behind us, and we’re ending the evening on a good note :). I spoke too soon. The bill comes, and he asks if I have a few dollars for the tip. Unfortunately, I don’t. I’m notorious for not carrying cash (my friends would agree) . But, I have my credit card. I offer to pay, if he needs me to do so. Yes, I know that’s always a strike against a man, if they let you pay. But, I’m always prepared in case I need to cover a check. He says, ” I know you won’t go out with me again, if I let you pay ?” Really? You know what they say about people who assume :).  

Anyway, here’s where he decides to really seal this deal. He says, “Since I bought you dinner, will you buy me a six pack of beer?” Can we say “I know I’m getting Punked at this moment’? I was so stunned, the only thing I can muster was “Really?”. He was as serious as a heart attack. He proceeded to explain that was a test to see if I was down for him. So, a six pack of beer is how you measure my feelings towards you? It’s hard to imagine this educated handsome man equates his worth to a six pack of Budweiser.  Wow! Lack of self-esteem  is a powerful thing. 

All I can say is he got that six pack. I got tired of trying to rationalize how stupid that was. How you will never know love if you can’t stop making other people pay, because of people in your past. How that six pack cost him a good woman (yes, I’m a good woman with her own, who will share it with the right person.)

So, I hope it keeps him warm at night, supports him, loves him, challenges him, and makes him a better person.

Lesson learned: “Love yourself enough to know your worth, and to take the time to fix yourself when you’ve been damaged by others. People shouldn’t have to pay for past mistakes.”

Until we meet again!

xo

 

 

 

Do You Feel Like You’re Always Working?

I’m updating my “resume” 🙂

 

Doesn’t it feel like the work is never done sometimes?

There are emails and mountains of paper work to do on our jobs to ensure we’re adding value. At home we have to navigate mountains of laundry, dinners, and details of the days with a single bound. There is always something to do. Especially, when you’re a caregiver. It’s like adding another job on top of the others you balance. But, today my Mom told me about a new job that I need to be focused on too, finding a husband? 

I know I’ve covered this in another blog. But, my Mom is laser focused on my love life. It’s like having a counselor, teacher, and drill Sargent rolled into one person. Extra special emphasis on “Drill Sargent”. Because she has given me “orders” that i need to make this happen. She doesn’t use the “Paris Island” technique. She is more adept at using the ultimate lethal weapon “Mother Guilt”. It’s the most powerful weapon in the world, and no one is immune to it :-).

My mom is concerned that she will be in heaven by the time I get married. So, according to her I need to work find a husband with the same effort I put into my job. Wow, I didn’t know you were supposed to “work” to find a husband. I thought that when a “man finds a wife, he finds a good thing”? Don’t get me wrong I know I have to be available emotionally and physically. But, I didn’t know I need to work it like I’m trying to get a bonus or promotion.  Do I need to update my resume for this new job? Should I add this to my LinkedIn Profile? Also, how do I fit this into my schedule? I guess there really is going to be no rest for the weary or single :-). 

Don’t get me wrong, I know love is not going to come knocking at my door. But, I have enough jobs. What happened to the days when love was a normal part of life, and marriage was where you put in the “work”?  I hope that doesn’t sound too much like rainbows and fairy tales. I guess I better update my “resume”. Until we meet again!

xo

Love

If there is one thing that’s certain, it’s that I have not cornered the market on heartbreak and pain. There have been, and will be many people that have been hurt by love. It’s the one thing that’s consistently going to be the most sought after feeling in this world. It’s also one of the things, I have not been able to acquire. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in love. But, I’ve never been engaged or married. That’s pretty rare for someone my age. I’m forty, so people always expect a husband and a tribe of kids to be around me :). But, that’s not how my life has gone. No husband and no kids. 

I used to struggle with that. I’ve always wanted to be married and have children. I had my life planned out, like so many other women. However, I’ve come to learn God can have different plans. Sometimes, you have children another way (e.g. through marriage, etc.), or you have a sixty-six year old mom that acts like a two-year old, and a thirty-five year sister old that acts like a sixteen year-old :).  So, I’m covered on the children part for now.  A husband, that’s a different story. 

I haven’t met the person I’m going to marry, and I’m not in a rush. I know that sounds crazy. Especially, since I just mentioned that I struggled with that. But, now I’ve realized that marriage is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. So, I’ll be patient until I meet my “distance runner”. I used to fall for the “sprinters”. I still do occasionally (another post for that story). “Sprinters” are the men that moved fast, and were shinny and sleek. All I could do was stand back and eat their dust. I couldn’t keep up with the hype, and I wound up licking my scrapes from falling down. It was until my Dad passed away that I learned that I need a “Distance Runner”.  My Dad was a “Distance Runner”. A “Distance Runner” is the man that knows you have to be slow and steady to win. This man is concerned not about how long it takes to win the race, he’s more concerned about finishing. This man has had the training necessary to handle the obstacles that they may face on the road, and can make adjustments as needed to stay the course. My parents were married until they were separated by death, that’s thirty-seven years of staying the course. That’s a blessing, and I’m so happy that I was raised with that example. It wasn’t perfect, it was love. That’s what I look forward  to having in my life.

Today, my mom called me into her room and prayed for me to have that love. She knows i’ve been disappointed recently with love; and wants to make sure I stay covered. It’s funny, I have to counsel and encourage her about my love life :). She doesn’t realize that the example that she and my father set, helped build this foundation for me. I know that God is going to bless me with my “Distance Runner”; he’s just making sure I can move past these “Sprinters” to ensure I can keep up. A prayer for love, I love my mommy. 🙂

XO