2chicksand1oldlady

Two sisters taking care of their mom while trying to live life and find love.

Love Is Always In Style

Love Is Always InStyle

I’ve been thinking all week about love. There are so many ways that love is expressed. Love is not conventional. You can’t box love in. Love moves in ways that we don’t always understand. Love is patient, blind, and at times completely deaf to the ways of the world :). Remember God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that we could have life more abundantly. That’s love on fire for real!

Beside being so elusive, Love is the one thing in the world that everyone longs for. It’s more pursued than money and status. No matter who you are, everyone wants to be loved. I’ve been very fortunate in my life to know some of the many shades of love.

From the love of God, my family and friends, to romantic love. I’ve experienced love in many ways. It hasn’t always resulted in happiness. But, I couldn’t imagine what my life would be without those experiences. Those experiences good and bad, have helped me grow and realize the true values of life.

Mahatma Ghandi said “Where there is love, there is life”. There is not a truer statement. Without love it’s like living on autopilot through life. Love is that kick in your soul that helps you move through the challenges that you will face everyday. Love is what makes marriages stay together when things are tough. Love is what sustains caregivers to keep fighting and pressing for their loved ones, when they are pushing you near your breaking point. Love is what pulls us out of moments of depression and fear ,when we make mistakes that hurt ourselves or other people.

It’s always going to be about love. Whether you are entering into a new relationship, committing to a lifetime, taking care of a loved one, or realizing your value as a person. The root of your survival is always going to be about love; and we can’t take it for granted. It’s easy to act like you don’t need it. But, there is nothing more beautiful than to be witness to love.

This week I had the opportunity to witness the love of family coming together to overcome adversity, the wedding of one of my closest friends, a friend overcoming their personal struggles, and realizing that he is still worthy of fulfilling his promise. Love was all around me. It wrapped me in a warm embrace that shook away my fears; and renewed me to keep pressing toward my promise. See, love is the ultimate medicine and the best accessory :).

Wear your love proudly! It’s just the breath of life the world needs. Until we meet again!

xo

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Standing In My Truth

stand_in_truth

In order to move forward and get better. You have to be willing to own the areas of yourself that need to be fixed. So, I’m starting this out by admitting, “I’m broken”.

I’m “broken”, and at times this causes me to lash out at the people I love. Especially, in times of high emotional pressure. This isn’t a new discovery, this is just my new way of dealing with it. I’m going to stand in it,versus trying to act like it doesn’t exist.

By standing in it, I know I can heal from it. But, before I can heal from it. I need to deal with its root. The seed took root when my father died.

His death was so sudden, it shook me to my core. I felt overwhelmed by grief. But, instead of taking the time to grieve. I moved full speed into being a caregiver to my mom. I decided that she needed to be my focus, and I compartmentalized my pain.

I became an emotional bag lady, and I was definitely carrying too many “bags”. Caregivers can understand this feeling. You are trying to please everyone so much, that pieces of you get packed away until you can’t deal anymore. Until you explode, and leave a trail of tears and painful words all over the place.

Then, all you’re left with is guilt. You berate yourself for letting things get this way. You know the tricks and traps that lead can you to that ugly moment. But, you still fall down the “rabbit hole” anyway.

I fell down the “rabbit hole” this morning. My Mom & I had a fight that would rival any world class boxing match. It was ugly, and I hope we can move forward from it. But, in every mess there is a lesson learned.

I learned that even though I’ve made a lot of progress, I’m still “broken”. I still have grieving and healing to do; and I have to make time for me to do that.

As caregivers, we give our all to the ones we love. But, we have to save something for ourselves. We also can’t feel guilty for doing that. We have to stand in our authority. We have to make decisions for the good of the whole, not the one. That’s not going to always be well received. But, that’s ok. As long as we did it from a place of love and understanding, everything will be alright.

I learned that my Mom is in pain. She is still grieving the loss of her soul mate, her “vision”, and independence. She’s now in a battle to not allow her feelings of helplessness to overtake her. I think she’s questioning, who’s winning.

We are all facing battles. No one is excluded from challenging circumstances. We just have to know how to win. It’s not about the fight. It’s about standing in the battle with the conviction that you can, and will do better. I’m allowing my transparency of my truth to heal and strengthen me. So, I can win the battle for myself & my family.

Stay strong and stand firm. Until we meet again!

xo

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The Cutest Old Lady I Know

The Reason I Exist, & The Cutest Old Lady I Know

“I look so cute & sweet. Don’t be fooled, I’ve got a plan & bag of cookies. I’m dangerous :)”

My Mom motivates and inspires me everyday. She is never at a loss for words, and I appreciate every one of them. Even the ones that I don’t want to hear. I’m very fortunate to have been raised by someone who thinks of her children before herself. I will value every moment we spend together, and I thank you for bringing us into the world. You are the best woman I know, and you will always be the queen of our hearts.

Love always,

Your 2chicks

P.S. To everyone out there reading this blog. Take a moment to tell your mom, caregiver, family friend who raised you, etc. that you love them. Life is short. Seize the moment, and always appreciate the ones who were there to love you when no one else would or could.

Until we meet again!
XO

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No Matter How Old You Get, You Will Always Be My Baby

I think we’ve all heard that statement before. To our parents and loved ones that raised us, we’ll always be their baby. It just sounds strange as we get older. Especially, if you’re Forty-one :). But, that statement has become my mom’s mantra this week. 

Don’t laugh, I haven’t done anything crazy. But, I did decide to drop a mini nuclear bomb. I told her that I would be going to New York in June by myself for a blogging conference. See, I said it and the world is still moving :). My mom handled it pretty well when I told her. I was actually surprised, and a little frightened (This is the same woman that I had to bribe with a candle when I came home late one night).  She just wanted to know why I was going, where I would be staying, etc. Just the usual. Then, we jump into the hard question……. Who are you going with? 

Now of course being the caregiver I am. I think about making this a work event, and tell her I will be traveling with colleagues ( Side note definition of Caregiver behavior: This is at times necessary due to the fear on their part and your own that you may just want to run off, and not come back.) That’s not going to happen, but it does cross the mind at times :). But, I remind myself that I’m an adult. So, it may not be a good idea to lie. I decide to “playfully” remind her that I’ll be traveling by myself. 

Well, Mom wasn’t interested in “playing’ today. She decided she would take this time to launch into a full-scale strategy session to find me a travel companion. She took that opportunity to open up the “mental rolodex”; and go over all of the men I’ve met and/or dated in the last year to see if there were any viable candidates.It’s amazing to me that she can’t remember what channel her favorite show comes on tv. But, she can recall any man who has been in my life :).  So what they aren’t in my life now. She felt a good phone call to invite them to travel with me would be all I needed to fix things up :). If only finding a travel companion or man was that simple, there would be a lot of dating sites out of business. But, I digress :).

Any who, she has decided that I  simply can’t travel by myself. Who’s going to protect me? Who’s going to experience the city with me? Who’s going to make sure I eat? Simply put, I’m her baby and it’s not safe traveling alone. While, I truly value and appreciate her concern. I didn’t know New York had been declared a war zone :).  Also, I didn’t know that I couldn’t experience the beauty and adventure of New York on my own. I thought I was capable of savoring the city that never sleeps with my eyes fully open to it’s adventure and danger.  Can you tell how excited I am to go :)? 

This trip is going to be amazing! But, I know that I face many conversations about this with my Mom until I go. Its so funny how they slip right back into their parenting roles even though you are now the “caregivers”. It’s also funny how, these people were not the ideal men for me to date. But, they may be good travel companions? 

Who can make sense of it? I guess it all boils down to me being an adult. But, I’m always going to be her baby. Pray for me :).

Until we meet again!

Imagedo

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