2chicksand1oldlady

Two sisters taking care of their mom while trying to live life and find love.

Thankful

Thankful

I can’t say “Happy Thanksgiving” without immediately thinking about my sister and my mom. They drive me crazy. They make me laugh and cry. They are the most important people in my life, and I’m thankful that they love me. I’m thankful that they accept me for all of my flaws, and don’t judge. They have my back and deepest secrets. I’m thankful to have a beautiful family. We’re not the norm. But, this love is definitely way past the exception. I’m just thankful! Happy Thanksgiving and don’t forget to love and be thankful too!
XO

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Standards

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I never thought losing my Dad, and taking care of my Mom would be the turning point for me learning how I should be treated.  

I always used to think that I knew my worth. I used to talk with my friends about how I would never let a man treat me badly by lying or cheating on me. I thought I knew it all, I mean I had read all of the books :). Well, you can “Think Like a Man, and Act Like a Lady” all you want. But, if you don’t have standards and know your true worth; you’ll always get less than what you deserve. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post where I can say I’ve mastered it all. No, I’m definitely still a work in progress (See “Late Nights and Early Mornings”). But, I can say I have at least started down the path to knowing my worth. This is a lifelong lesson that you constantly have to do “status checks” on due to the amount of people that will come into your life that will try to pull you off the path. Remember from my previous post, the “Sprinters’ vs. “Distance Runners”. The “Sprinters” are sleek, shiny, and move fast. The “Distance Runners” are the men who will go the extra mile to show you they care. They are the people that will build you up, and can maneuver the “pitfalls” or “bumps in the road”. Standards attract “Distance Runners” while blocking “Sprinters”. My Dad taught me that when he died. 

When my Dad died, I really got an opportunity to learn about the man he was to my Mom as she spoke about their time together. My Mom was really ill at the time of my Dad’s death, and my Dad was doing everything for her. He did the laundry, cooked the meals, cleaned up any messes. He took care of her, and loved her completely. My Dad wasn’t wealthy financially. But, he was a “billionaire” when it came to showing her love. They talked about everything, the good and the bad. There was never a secret between them. They were best friends. That foundation is what got them through the trials and tribulations of life. They grew together instead of trying to compete with each other. Their relationship showed me that I need a man who can weather the storms, and who would always have my back if I’m in trouble. But, all of these things come with having standards. Standards doesn’t mean you have to have the man with the flyest car, house, or clothes. It’s about having the man with the flyest heart and soul. It’s about making sure you’re communicating what you need vs. what you want. We all want to live the fairy tale life with the beautiful man with a great job, house, and live happily ever after. But, that’s not realistic. Reality means you may have a man who has a job where he makes $10.00 per hour, and lives in an apartment. But, he has a five year plan to get a home and is saving to make it happen.

It’s all about growing up, and deciding what  really matters. I began my journey down the path by watching the ending of a Thirty-Six year love story. I hope your path doesn’t start that way. But, I do hope it starts. Standards bring serenity, and serenity brings peace and love. It all works together for our good. Find your path. Until we meet again!

XO

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Serenity

Serenity

This quote is always something to remember. It’s something that we constantly strive to achieve, and hopefully all attain. Remember to savor every moment you experience it. Those moments will help you when you feel like it’s unattainable!

XO

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The Things We Take For Granted

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We are so blessed! We get the opportunity to wake up and savor the world, the good and bad. This week I had an opportunity to reflect on that as I took my Mom to the eye doctor. I know that sounds like such a routine thing to do. But, for my Mom it’s very different. She is legally blind, and for her it’s a moment filled with fear and regret. 

My Mom lost her vision over ten years ago due to uncontrolled diabetes that destroyed her retinas. There is no treatment available that can help her. So, at this point she is only able to see shapes and shadows. Imagine for a moment what that must be like. A life in a constant cloud of darkness. Only your hands to feel and guide you through the world.  My Mom still claims she can “see”. But, we know without direct light, she is living in darkness. It’s hard on her. She is completely reliant on us for her survival. That loss of independence manifests itself in many ways. There can be harsh words toward us out of frustration when we tell her to do something, or try to lead her as we walk. Or, outbreaks of fear that we are going to abandon her. Then, there are the thoughts that she is a burden, and is holding us back from living our lives. It’s amazing how the lack of “actual vision” can lead to a loss of “mental vision”. It’s like being a prisoner in solitary confinement. You can’t see the outside world, so that obstructed view darkens your soul and mind. 

My Mom is in a constant battle to not allow the darkness to destroy her spirit, and make her give up. She misses my Father. He covered for her, and was constantly there as her “eyes” to world. So, without him it’s like she is grieving not only the loss of her partner, friend, and husband of thirty-six years. She’s lost her “vision”. She’s lost her direction, and now has to learn how to trust and find a new “leader”. It’s easy for most people to lead. Everyone wants or desires to be in control. But, the true art is being able to follow. To be able to trust that someone else knows the direction that you should go, and won’t let you fall is so hard. That’s a lesson that many struggle with, and pay thousands of dollars to learn. 

I’m blessed that I’m able to lead. But, I use this experience taking care of my Mom to remind me about needing to be able to follow. There will come a time, when the roles will change. There will be a time when someone will step in, and need to take care of me. So, I need to be constantly  grateful and thoughtful in my “leadership”. I need to understand that this opportunity only highlights the deep trust that my Mom has in me. I’m now the one leading the “vision’ for her life. Vision is not only about seeing in the natural, it’s about plotting a course for our lives that will lead us with God’s grace down the right road. i pray that I stay grounded and keep my “20/20 vision” for all areas of my life. 

So, don’t take your “vision” for granted. Get it checked, the results could be life changing. Until we meet again!

XO

 

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Late Nights and Early Mornings

It’s 1:00am, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I keep thinking about your lips, your skin, your body weight. All of the things that take me back to that last time. You took my breath away with how good you felt to me, on top of me, behind me, inside me. You get the picture :). Yet, with that pleasure comes a price.  You get the inner most part of me. You have me in ways that no one else will.  I get to wonder will you call? I get to wonder if your silence is a reflection of me. Or, a reflection of the fact that you “can’t handle it”? Not “it” in the sense of physicality. You “can’t handle it” in the sense of emotion; of me asking for “more”. “More”, that word that is ambiguous in it’s meaning. That could mean a date or a lifetime. Who knew one word could mean so many different things to different people. I look at my phone as I text you and erase it. I want you, I need you. But, I’m afraid too. I’m afraid that I’ll slip into a “pattern”. You know the pattern where we settle for a “piece” rather that waiting for the ‘whole pie”. Because, we’ve been conditioned to think a “piece” is better than nothing at all. But from where I sit that “piece” is nothing at all. A ‘piece’ only is going to satisfy for so long. Why should I settle for a piece when I can have the whole thing. I’m selfish, I want it all. Is that wrong? If I can have or do anything I focus my energy on. Then, why can’t I have all of you. Especially, if I put my focus on you. If I’m honest with you, then why can’t I have you. That seems to be the $100 million dollar question for the world. I guess it won’t get solved tonight, I mean this morning. 🙂

Until we meet again!

XO

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Jesus Take The Wheel!!

As I’m getting older, I’ve learned that life is going to throw you curves. In order to survive, you need to learn how to drive. By drive, I don’t mean just take a leisurely tour through life. I mean drive like there is no tomorrow, and no understanding of how to get there. A lot of times, we worry about how we are going to accomplish our goals. Or, how we are going to get through everyday life. Or, we just worry about everything. All of that energy and focus, wasted on things that are sometimes out of our hands. 

Today I was reminded that no matter how hard I try, I can’t control the curves that are going to come my way. There are going to be challenges that are going to take my breath away. But, I wasn’t built to break. I was built to navigate the curves of life, and come out the right way. It has taken me forty years to learn this lesson. It’s also one, that I occasionally have to do “reminder checks” on.  This is definitely not a lesson that you learn overnight.  This is something you go through daily. We just have to be encouraged, and know that we have the ultimate “driver” that is ready to take over when we call. I’m so grateful to know he has my back. Until we chat again!

 

XO

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” A hard head m…

” A hard head makes a soft behind”

Just one of those moments.

Life of a caregiver, parent, teacher, friend, etc….

 

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Sundays

I have a love hate relationship with Sundays!

I love Sunday because it’s an opportunity for me to have fellowship at my church. I get an opportunity to renew my soul & spirit; and that is so critical  as a caregiver. Especially, when you are the “HOH” (Head of Household). There are so many things that come at you, and you need that opportunity to “shine up the armor” before you go back into the fight on Monday. Outside of the fellowship time at church, I also love my “ME” time after church. It’s always nice to get a few moments to have lunch, or get my nails done.  A little time to do what you love, really just caps off the day. But, I’m a little salty at Sunday because the day always goes by so quickly.

Do you ever wake up on Sunday, and wonder where the weekend went? I do, every Sunday! I just wish this day would last a little longer :). Sunday comes into my life, recharges me, and then leaves. I know Sunday will come again. But, I’m always left wanting more. So, I have to try to be patient until he comes again. Sunday is like that boyfriend who says all of the right things, makes you feel good, and then disappears for a week :). But, I always take comfort in knowing he’ll come back. So, I guess I’ll go enjoy our last few hours together :).  Until we meet again!

XO

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